


Saying That I Want More (This Is What I Live For)

by FromDreamstoEmpires



Series: (Selfish) Taking What I Want And Call It Mine [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, In which the galaxy never stood a chance with the team as sith, JediFest Exchange '16, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Poor Obi-Wan, Protective Obi-Wan, Sith AU, Sith Anakin Skywalker, Sith Obi-Wan, Sith Shenanigans, The Dark Side of the Force, The team as sith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8854084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromDreamstoEmpires/pseuds/FromDreamstoEmpires
Summary: Neither of them had a chance to be anyone other than who they are, and even if they could be anyone they weren't sure they wanted to be. Maybe if circumstances had been different and Obi-Wan was anyone other than the man that he was; maybe if  Anakin had the chance to be free before life put him through hell  and forced him to know how cruel life could be. Maybe if they weren't pawns in this never-ending war that took something gentle and hardened it until it wasn't recognizeable. The thing is the universe doesn't run on what-if’s and niether of them are anyone but who they are, and who they are is something cruel and free.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all, so this is my first ever gift exchange and I had so much fun writing this and I hope y'allenjoy it as much as I did!:)
> 
> This doesn't take place in the same universe as Like An Altar Loves A Sacrafice, but there are some similarities between them.
> 
> Tittle is from Hold Me Down by Halsey!

They weren't always this distant, Obi-Wan thought. 

Anakin and him a hadn't always been close persay, but lately the distance between the both of them seems to have gotten wider and wider as the years dragged on. It wasn't that he didn’t care about Anakin, on the contrary Anakin was one of the few people that he could honestly say he cared about above all else.

The thing is Anakin has always wanted freedom and Obi-Wan has always been selfish when it comes to those he loves.

 

He knows that it would be easy to love and be with Anakin, but he refuses to be another man in Anakin's life that took advantage of his kindness and his trust.

Sometimes when Obi-Wan watches Anakin practice different techniques he thinks he can see a glimpse of the person Anakin used to be before the war broke him and made him into something so terribly beautiful. 

He can't help but believe that Anakin deserves so much better than what life had gifted him. 

What he doesn't know is that Anakin thinks Obi-Wan is the brightest light in this forsaken universe. He doesn’t know that Anakin fully believes that if there was anyone who deserved happiness-it was Obi-Wan.

Often times when Obi-Wan sees Anakin come back covered in blood and a hardened look in his eyes, he mourns for Anakin’s lost innocence and his murdered gentleness. He remembers Anakin when he still laughed carefree and eyes bright with joy. He remembers Anakin whose only scars where the physical ones and the agony of the war hadn't touched him yet.

He thinks that he should stop remembering Anakin is the child he was and start remembering him as the man he is now. He can't help but wonder if there was a time Anakin remembered himself as the idealistic child he was who had to grow up too fast. He wonders if Anakin ever mourns the person he could have been if life had just been a little kinder to him.

He wonders if he's horrible for thanking the force for leading Anakin to him. Obi-Wan has always been selfish when it comes to Anakin so in all honesty he can't feel too bad for being happy to have known Anakin.

 

Obi-Wan wondered what exactly was it about Anakin that made him love him more than he loved the code, even more than he loved his own master.

He likes to think that it was Anskin’s smile that was gentle and sweet that took his breath away every time he saw it. Maybe it was Anakin trusting him enough to fall asleep with him in the room. Whenever that happened Obi-Wan was struck by the gentleness in his expression whenever he slept. It was times like these that he forgot that Anakin was who he was not the same person he met a little over seven years ago. Seeing Anakin now so unguarded made him think back to when he was a gentle boy with so much hope for what life had planned for him.

As much Obi-Wan loved Anakin sometimes he wanted to strangle him. He was stubborn and needlessly reckless with no regard to his own life. He was prideful and hardly ever admitted to being wrong. He loved him though. He loved him so much he honestly couldn't remember a time where he didn't. Anakin frustrated and constantly challenged him in just about everything he does. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, Obi-Wan loved Anakin with such a force that it scared him.

He knew Anakin loved him of course. The thing is Anakin loved an idolized version of Obi-Wan. He knew Anakin cared about him of course, but the love Anakin thinks he feels towards him isn't love this he knows without a doubt. 

The most heartbreaking aspect of it all is that Anakin seems so near and yet so out of reach at the same time. He doesn’t know where to even begin mending his relationship with Anakin if he's being honest.

He didn't think he would ever be able to forgive himself if he gave in to him. It wasn't that he didn’t trust him or that he didn't love him as much as Anakin seemed to. Really it was just that how could he in good conscious give himself to Anakin when he seemed to want to break at slightest touch. 

Anakin didn't seem to notice but anytime Obi-Wan so much as tried to touch him Anakin would flinch away. 

Obi-Wan oved Anakin and that right there was the root of all their problems, he thougt.  
Loving Anakin Skywalker was the most selfish thing Obi-Wan has ever done. Anakin wasn't his to love or to want or to take. The thing is, Obi-Wan has always been selfish and if loving Anakin was something that was selfish…well he was never particularly good about being selfless when it came Anakin.

Neither of them had a chance to be anyone other than who they are, and even if they could be anyone they weren't sure they wanted to be. Maybe if circumstances had been different and Obi-Wan was anyone other than the man that he was; maybe if Anakin had the chance to be free before life put him through hell and forced him to know how cruel life could be. Maybe if they weren't pawns in this never-ending war that took something gentle and hardened it until it wasn't recognizable. The thing is the universe doesn't run on what-if’s and neither of them are anyone but who they are, and who they are is something cruel and free. They couldn't afford to wish for something that was out of reach and in the end wishes only ended up hurting more than anything else could.

For now he had this-he had anakin as his friend and they were both safe.

For now they were both somewhat happy and in this little moment the war couldn’t touch them.

For now he had this moment of peace and if nothing else he was content to have that.

For now they were both alive but he knew it was only a matter of time until the war caught up to them; however, in this moment Anakin was at peace and safe and really that's all Obi-Wan could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I hope y'all enjoyed it!
> 
> While I was writing this and came to an end I decided that I would make it into a series because I feel like there's still so much left to be told about these two in this universe, but we'll see how it goes!:)


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